Yes that’s right we know it sounds crazy but its true.
This crazy bill has been drafted up in Texas to prevent the ‘waste of life’ due to masturbation and has all the Pro Lifers drooling at the mouth. It seemed like a joke to start with and we thought it was a wind up but apparently its as true as the sun in the sky. The bill has made its way into the hands of the Texas State Affairs Committee and men caught having a w**k will be fined $100 for wasting precious life into a snot rag, rather than contributing another life to the already overpopulated planet Earth.
Whats wrong with a fricking good toss off? Its a totally natural thing to have a good w**k as it extends your life for another 20 years. Ask any old man who’s 80 plus years, and they will tell you that they have been proper w**kers most of their life.
One man called Derek Hampton who we met recently and is 97 years old mentioned that he has done it since he was 12, and stated: “I’ve had a w**k for 85 years and loved every one of them and the only downfall was that the palm of my hand was smoother than the rest of my hand, which is not a major deal”. He also told us that he believes that it was the main factor for his long life.
This all stems down to the anti-abortion fiasco that is hot topic in this area of the US, so its understandable that this bill would be accepted. Jessica Farrar, D-Houston is the woman responsible for the bill and any man caught tossing will hear her thunderous voice emanating through the computer speaker while you have a good old toss off. Be warned as she is watching your every stroke so next time you visit Porn Hub, remember she is looking out for your actions and ready to knock on your door with a $100 fine (if you live in Texas).
If you don’t live in Texas then happy w**king. If you live in Texas….MOVE!!